Cross of Life Montessori School
Freedom Within Limits: Discipline and Taming Tantrums in the Montessori Tradition
Elizabeth Skora Horgan, M.S., Ph.D. • Nov 22, 2023

When it comes to toddlers and preschoolers, you often hear about the “terrible two” and “threenager” phases. How can you handle these the Montessori way?

 In the early childhood years, young children often have tumultuous emotional outbursts. Between the ages of birth to five, children learn the complex skill of emotion regulation through the example of caregivers. As their emotions and vocabulary develop, children must simultaneously learn how to manage their strong feelings and gain the words to express how they feel. It’s no small task! 


The Montessori tradition offers a structure of freedom within limits to help caregivers navigate discipline and tantrum management in the early years. Rooted in respect for each child’s individuality and independence, the Montessori approach to discipline is based on setting expectations and boundaries for your child. 


Children struggle with unpredictability. The freedom within limits gives children the ability to explore and learn from their environment independently within clear boundaries and guidelines about how to behave. The goal of this approach is to design an environment that offers a sense of order and respect while fostering children’s natural curiosity and individuality. Through patience, empathy, and consistency, you can give your child the gift of autonomy and support them through the tricky years of early emotional development. 


Help your child make the transition to the terrific twos and thrilling threes by offering them freedom within limits using these tips:

  • Respect Children’s Independence

Foster your child’s independence from the earliest age. Offer as many age-appropriate opportunities to make choices and teach your child how to contribute to the daily functioning of the household. Giving your child agency can help empower them to take an active role in their own well-being. This is especially valuable in self-care tasks, as it can help alleviate frustrations that arise from “I can do it myself!” power struggles. 

  • Offer a Prepared Environment

Help your child help themselves by offering a prepared environment where they can easily access and explore the options available to them. Additionally, consider designating a specific calm-down space in your home where your little one can retreat when they feel overwhelmed. You can include a few soothing items, some sensory materials, or a feelings chart and encourage your child to utilize this space to calm their bodies when they are feeling distressed. Include them in the design to learn more about what they like to do to help calm their own body. 

  • Set and Communicate Clear Expectations

This is the cornerstone of Montessori discipline. Use the concept of freedom within limits to help teach your child what is and is not acceptable behavior. Clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries. Use simple, age-appropriate language and keep limits consistent and firm. This will help your child understand what is expected of them. A great way to do this is to offer choices within the limits. For example, when you are going to cross the street you can offer two options: “You can hold my hand or ride in the stroller, what do you choose?” The key is both choices must be acceptable to the adult!

  • Model Emotion Regulation 

Use the power of example to help your child learn emotional regulation. Work to maintain your own calm and composure and let your child “borrow your calm” in times of distress. Modeling calm, respectful behavior gives your child a positive example to follow. This can include showing your child options like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or utilizing their calm-down space to work through their emotions. 

  • Name and Acknowledge Children’s Emotions

Help your child recognize what they are feeling by naming and acknowledging the 

emotion. Rather than dismissing emotions or trying to distract your child, help them notice how they are feeling and how they are responding. This can help your child begin to understand and manage their emotions. 



By understanding and implementing these approaches, parents and caregivers can create an environment that fosters respect, independence, and emotional intelligence for young children. 


By Elizabeth Horgan, PhD 02 May, 2024
“A child’s work is based on doing things for their own sake. There is an end towards which his work is taking him: through his work, he is building the man he will become. But the child doesn’t know this; he only knows that he takes delight in doing certain things. This is his work” -Dr. Maria Montessori
By Elizabeth Horgan, PhD 12 Mar, 2024
Reading with your child is one of the most impactful practices you can do in the early years. Book reading is beneficial for children of all ages, starting from birth. Listening to stories helps children grow their emergent literacy skills even long before they can speak. Research shows that reading aloud to children, ideally daily, supports a love of literacy, advanced language development, and future ability to read independently. Additionally, taking the time to read storybooks aloud together also enhances the parent-child bond and supports a variety of cognitive and social-emotional skills, including critical thinking and emotional resilience. A few reasons for this host of benefits from reading together is that children learn best when their knowledge is scaffolded by an adult. Scaffolding is when an adult adapts their behavior and the way they give instructions based on the knowledge level of the child. Scaffolding is achieved by first recognizing what your child knows, and then providing incremental challenges to help support their learning. One research-based technique for scaffolding your child’s learning while reading is known as dialogic reading . Dialogic reading is where an adult and child have a meaningful conversation about a book before, during, and after the book. This goes beyond the typical experience of an adult reading while a child simply listens. Through dialogic reading, children are actively involved in learning how to become the storyteller. The goal of dialogic reading is to have the child increasingly lead the reading experience. The basic structure of dialogic reading is the acronym PEER : P rompt the child to talk about the book. Parent, pointing to a picture of a dump truck: “Ooh, what is that?” Child: “A truck!” E valuate the child’s response Parent: “Yes, a dump truck!” E xpand upon their response by adding information Parent: “The dump truck is yellow.” R epeat the prompt or word to see what they learned from the new information. Parent: pointing to the dump truck again “Can you say dump truck?” Child: “A dump truck!” There are five types of p rompts to try out, which you can remember with the acronym CROWD : C ompletion , fill in the blank type questions “This is a _______ truck” R ecall , asking your child to remember or summarize something from the story “Can you tell me what happened to the dump truck in this story?” O pen-Ended , focused on the images in the book “Can you describe what’s going on in this picture?” W h- , asking specific what, where, when, why, and how questions “What is that called?” D istancing , asking your child to connect elements of the story or pictures to their real-life experiences “This book was about a dump truck! Do you remember when a dump truck came to our house? Did it look like any of the trucks in this book?” To practice dialogic reading, try reading a new book to your child. Read it once through, while pointing to interesting images and encouraging your child to repeat new words. The next time you read the book, you can scaffold their knowledge by practicing the PEER method. Ask increasingly complex questions about the book. As you read the same book multiple times, you will start to read the words on the pages less as your child engages in conversation around the story more and more. It’s an incredible thing to witness! A few more ideas for making reading aloud a central and enjoyable practice for the whole family are : Create family routines around reading aloud to ensure it is part of your child’s day. Many families choose to incorporate books into the bedtime routine Read both fiction and nonfiction books, including different genres, with rich illustrations Choose books connected to your child’s cultural background and ethnicity Follow your child’s interests and explore topics that they enjoy through literature Pay attention to your child’s behavior while reading and adjust as necessary Utilize your local library to access countless options for both board and picture books
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